Lonely
Every week I participate in a Spiritual Formation group where I am given opportunities to notice without judgement the under currents of my heart.
As we hold space for one another, my thirsty, aching, lonely soul is seen, known, loved and held.
Every week we end our time with a Contemplative Prayer (communing with the Divine to listen).
Several weeks back, it was suggested that we go outside and ask an object of nature what the Divine may say to us. This is an intimate reflection of my communing with the Spirit.
A conversation with a bird.
“Oh bird, what do you want to say to this lonely soul?”
Don’t cry baby girl, you are not alone.
Cry baby girl, for your tears are precious gems.
Be downcast, let’s go to the depths together.
I’ll bring my joyful chipper and you bring your tears. We’ll be together in the depths where the good dirt is home to worms and bugs, hosting seeds of beauty and blossoms for the future.
Let’s look under every stone and behind every shadow for there is beauty and wonder to behold in the dark, lonely place that houses your soul.
Let’s never fear loneliness for in it you will find, your lonely companion is a wondrous site.
I am here baby girl, lonely is ok.
It’s not to be feared for it is just a friend who needs more attention.
And when we stay awhile not in fear, we will find companions of compassion, peace, presence, wonder, beauty, and grace are linked.
Embracing us in the warmest of hugs in the deep darkest of places, where Love is holding us all together.
So while you may have thought my joyful chipper was to distract you from the reality of the deep dark cave, my chipper joy was only to keep you present to the reality of paradox where all things reside in the Spirit.
My pauses are times of breathing in the breath of my Creator to saturate my body with the life blood of peace, hope, wonder, sorrow, joy, compassion, grace and Love.
For I am sacred just like you. My breath and my song are all sacred.
My joy and my loneliness are for me as a bird. I am a more solitary being than my joyful chipper sings. My joy and my sorrow are sacredly linked to who I am as a bird.
So follow me baby girl for I will descend with you to the depths and I will ascend with you to the heights. For loneliness is our companion who is good, kind, gentle and loving, it is not the noose of fear that it was made to be.
As I reflect back on this contemplative practice, I see how I felt desperately lonely but I was never alone. My Spiritual Formation group was a safe haven for me to press into these deep dark places and receive compassion, grace and Love.
With them and from them, I have learned compassion, hosting myself and accept feelings I feared because they were weightier than just the feeling. The feelings also meant that I couldn’t cope, I was crazy, I was inadequate, I was mental ill. These are not trueee but being taught to judge and being judged forced me to self-protect myself in self talk that was violence to my soul.
My Spiritual Formation group has been the conduit through which the Divine ministers to me during this time of loneliness and isolation.
As a single mom, divorced and facing challenges with my girls being home all the time. the weight some days seems impossible to bear. But being seen, known, heard, loved unconditionally, accepted and prayed for by my Spirit Formation group has made the load lighter as we bear one another’s burdens in faith, mercy and Hope.
There are varying levels of loneliness. It is important to be kind to yourself and to find safe people who can honor the journey you are on. Sometimes joining a community where you are seen, heard and known without judgement is helpful and sometimes seeking professional help is also needed.
If you or someone you know is in need of immediate help:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Dial or text 988 if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or experiencing a mental health crisis to get connected to a trained crisis counselor 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Crisis counselors listen empathetically and without judgment. Your crisis counselor will work to ensure that you feel safe and help identify options and information about mental health services in your area.
988 is the new, shorter phone number to make it easier to access mental health crisis services.
Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741-741
Connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message.
National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Trained expert advocates are available 24/7 to provide confidential support to anyone experiencing domestic violence or seeking resources and information. Help is available in Spanish and other languages.
National Sexual Assault Hotline – Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)
Connect with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area that offers access to a range of free services. Crisis chat support is available at Online Hotline. Free help, 24/7.
The Trevor Project – Call 866-488-7386 or Text START to 678-678
Supporting LGBTQ young people during times of crisis by providing access to crisis counselors 24/7, 365 days a year. Crisis chat support is available at Crisis Chat.
