5 Healthy Habits to Co-Create Safety While in Crisis
Back to Basics
Getting back to the basics is a good place to start. When we are in survival mode our nervous system is working overtime to cope. It slips our mind that we need to co-create safety with ourselves by taking care of our physical needs first.
Our emotional, spiritual and mental health starts with our physical health. Stress is compounded when our body is in deprivation.
Get as much sleep as possible. When my girlies were babies and the nurse told me to sleep when they do, instead of trying to get more done when they were asleep. This principle reminds us that when darkness descends on our side of the globe, it is our invitation to rest. Sometimes we may need to rest during the day too, give this to yourself. It will help your whole self be more present to what needs to be done.
During times of crisis we want to escape and play. Discerning when, where and how long to play takes time.
We need these times but they don’t serve us if the play becomes a burden of recovery.
Eat the healthiest of foods possible, given our time and money, both valuable commodities to be used wisely. Sometimes for our own sanity, going to a fast food is the healthiest thing we can do for ourself and our kiddos (if you have little humans to keep alive).
Drink lots of water.
Walk at least 20 minutes a day, 10 mins out, turn around and walk back. (I’m putting this back into my routine)
Choose wisely who you share your story with.
There are individuals who will listen, love and support without judgement. They can be hard to find but having one person is more valuable than a slew of people who think they can fix our frustrations, pain and painful circumstances with a simple solution.
Not everyone can remain objective and non-judgmental.
It’s best to accept where people are and be on the look out for healthier relationships knowing that in time we’ll find those that can walk along side us without judging or fixing.
Very few people know how to walk with others who are hurting. It is uncomfortable for them especially when they have not dealt with their own shit. Trusting our instincts to know when to hold things close and when to open up to co-create safety takes practice and time.
We never should feel the need to defend our side of the story.
When we find ourselves doing this, it’s time to take a step back, notice what we are feeling in our bodies and either redirect the conversation a different direction or leave it.
Accepting Help
If our family or friends are desiring to help and they are safe enough, allow them to help.
Childcare, housework, car rides, playdates, home repairs, organizing, meal planning, school functions. Sometimes we need someone present for moral support to do all the things. Many times, my aunt would just come to be with me while I did the things. I didn’t know it at the time, but she was offering me a way to co-regulate so I could focus on what needed to be done. It was hard to ask and accept her help, but I am so thankful I tried something that felt awkward at first.
When ever someone feels like they can give, take time to consider if it would be helpful, is it kindness and is it freedom?
This goes against our culture norm when I say this, chose not to shoulder the load. There are good and honest people in the world that do want to honor their inner goodness by meeting practical needs. When they offer, consider “letting them.”
When we say “no” to good healthy help, we shut ourselves off from experiencing the goodness we were being gifted. We also stop them from experiencing the blessings of giving. It can be hard to discern when to accept help and when to say “no”. We can judge ourselves and think people are judging us too. This is not helpful and is harmful, creating more isolation when we need to be connected to healthy people. Boundaries matter, we are doing our best in this area too.
It’s Ok to not be perfect.
It’s ok to have our home look like someone lives in it.
It’s ok to have dishes in the sink, bed unmade, laundry unfolded, floors not vacuumed or mopped. For a time, a season.
It’s ok if our kiddo(s) has stains on their shirt or their hair unbrushed. They are surviving too and the pressure to live up to societal norms is not helpful.
There may be a season of time, where survival is more about being present and less about it looking like everything is ok, or better than ok.
It’s ok to be undone, late for appointments, reschedule appointments, forgetting things and it looking like we do not have our sh*t together.
We are human and humans were not intended to be perfect, pristine, or infallible. Being human is a gift and the gift is in the imperfections and limitations.
Permissions and Personality
Everyone’s journey through a crisis will look different. Some of the examples above may feel like I give too much allowance to let the house go. A friendly reminder, when we are in crisis, we don’t need to add to it by keeping up social norms that in the whole scheme of things will improve overtime.
A year from now, we and our families will be in a different place emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. In a crisis, the goals change. Being present with ourselves and our kiddos (those we love) is more important than completing the tasks we use to determine if we are doing ok.
Sometimes the tasks are ruling us and robing us of the beauty of being present.
And maybe we are missing our kiddos, they need us. They are going through a crisis too.
Will the dishes get done? Yes, eventually they will, just maybe not in the exact moment we used to do them in before our life got turned upside down. It’s ok to give ourselves permission to be a little messy.
We are not defined by the way our life looks to other people. Nor are we defined by the crisis we are in or how we are weathering it. We are fiercely loved and adored.
I see you, I hear you and I know what it is like.
You are doing a lot and you are an amazing human with an inner goodness that is resilient, strong, kind, and hopeful. You are doing the best you can and it is enough. The density of grace is dense enough to hold you all together as you navigate a way forward through this crisis.
I am holding you in the Light as you find your way through.
Sometimes we need more help than what I have offered in this blog. This blog is a starting point and it is an invitation to continue to seek the help you need when you need it. Our American culture would have us believe that we should be able to do life on our own and if we ask for help we are less than. It is not true and it is unrealistic. If you are not sure where to start, I invite you to email me “I don’t know where to start.” using this link audre@saturatedgrace.com. I have already started the email, just need to add your name and send it. From there I will reach back out to you to set up a time to hop on a Zoom call to chat about what might be your next right step.
If you or someone you know is in need of immediate help:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Dial or text 988 if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or experiencing a mental health crisis to get connected to a trained crisis counselor 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Crisis counselors listen empathetically and without judgment. Your crisis counselor will work to ensure that you feel safe and help identify options and information about mental health services in your area.
988 is the new, shorter phone number to make it easier to access mental health crisis services.
Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741-741
Connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message.
National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Trained expert advocates are available 24/7 to provide confidential support to anyone experiencing domestic violence or seeking resources and information. Help is available in Spanish and other languages.
National Sexual Assault Hotline – Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)
Connect with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area that offers access to a range of free services. Crisis chat support is available at Online Hotline. Free help, 24/7.
The Trevor Project – Call 866-488-7386 or Text START to 678-678
Supporting LGBTQ young people during times of crisis by providing access to crisis counselors 24/7, 365 days a year. Crisis chat support is available at Crisis Chat.
